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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Things My Brain Sent Me That I Couldn't Send Back

• For some reason I discontentedly find that my expectation invariably exceeds realization when it comes to food items labeled as 'zesty'.

• One nice thing about having blurred vision is that I get more bars on my wireless connection.

• I'm not procrastinating today. It's only 9:00 a.m. and I'm already worn out.

• I am absolutely incredulous..... Not about anything in particular, but just as a general hobby.

• If you can read this, then you're too close. I'd appreciate it if you'd stay at least three computer lengths behind me when I'm going this fast.

• The world doesn't need additional wisdom. We don’t even know what to do with any of the wisdom that we have.

• All these hyperlinks need to settle down. Just wait your turn, and I'll click on you eventually...

• Boy, I had a close shave this morning before work. I think I pretty much got all the whiskers.

• My credo in life: Never take the elevator when the fire escape is available.

• Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but it's only 7th in strength of schedule.

• If you try to please your critics, all you'll end up doing is creating a whole new set of critics. So feed your critics and disappoint them every chance you get.

• Life is a highway. There are lanes, there's paint on the road, and there are signs to show you where the deer are crossing.

• Now that chickens outnumber people in the world, as agonizing as it is we may have to confront the sobering possibility of a chicken coup d'etat.

• I generally try to use circumlocution to my advantage, no doubt not truly fathoming its vast capabilities.

• I'm playing Yahtzee with peanut M&M's. It makes it a little harder to keep score. Dang! Still need my sixes.....

• I’m trying to make more micro-friends… people that you know for only 20 minutes.

• I'm thinking of something abstract. It's conceptually impossible, and somewhat related to infinite regression. And if I'm not mistaken, it comes in paisley.

• My kingdom for a robust snack food item. OK, just pretend I have a kingdom.
• I don’t have as much of a problem remembering where I parked my car as I do simply remembering what my car looks like.

• You can always tell a Jackson Browne song, because it's got Jackson Browne on the vocals.

• I got my dad a tie for Father's Day and a soccer match broke out.

• Is it just me, or are other people me also?

• I’ve perfected the lazy way to boil water. First you take some ice, and then you let it melt for a really, really long time.

• I have the best friends in the world. But unfortunately I also have the best enemies in the world, so it kind of balances out.

• I passed complacency on the freeway of life and it was driving a Volvo.

• Worked myself into a quandary wondering whether soda pop fizzles or not when it goes flat. Looks like I could be in this loop for awhile.

• The whole reason piano lessons were invented was so children wouldn’t play the same tedious chord 312 times in a day but instead play many different ones badly.

• My credo is it's always good to be alive, and sometimes it’s even good to be awake.

• Much to my chagrin and despite a prominent sign to the contrary, it turns out not everything at the Dollar Tree store is a dollar, so I reluctantly had to return three customers.

• You can quote me on this, but for the record I didn't say that I was misquoted.
• I feel rather disconnected from other people, being that I have no inner drive or discernible USB ports.

• Happiness comes from appreciating what we already have. This year give the gift of lowered expectations.

• I'm really nervous after my fantasy sumo draft. I'm afraid I may have underestimated the value of bumping.

• Toddlers could take over the entire world if they’d just hone one basic skill: forgery. A little scary to think they’re that close to having supreme power.

• Overheard Shakespeare saying he thinks modern man protesteth too much.

A prescient evolution knew we’d look better with lips, so three cheers for natural selection for weeding out the lipless.

• It’s interesting how a state will take on the shape of the surrounding states. Most  states don’t even really have their own shape, when it comes right down to it. For example, if Kentucky weren’t there, that space would still be shaped the same way.

• One day in a moment of awakening I realized that Morgan Freeman's friends don't call him Morgan Freeman.

• It's 128 degrees in the shade. Although that may be inaccurate, because the thermometer is on fire.

• I can’t remember if I already said this, but if I did, then ignore it.

• What if I'm not really moving down the road, but instead everything is just coming toward me? I believe this is what Copernicus would posit while driving his Mercedes.

• Here's some typing that I found laying around. Make of it what you will.
• Live life as though this will be your last breath. Love others as


Jeff Crandall said...

Oh so funny. Fun. I wish to comment on each one but alas I'm not able to type and my tape recorded has no upload button!


Rusty Southwick said...

I'll take a dozen of each, Kevin! Thanks for caring....

Unknown said...


Dance Like Nobody's Watching

Philosophy Soccer